new start.

i'm trying. i promise, i am.

things just kinda came down on me all at once. and it's almost like the more i tell myself i can get through this, something else just has to happen. "God is just testing me" yeah well i've been enduring a lot of this bs for quite some time now and i've gone to Him and i've even prayed for those who offend me but i'm still in this rut.


it's okay, i'm okay, it'll be okay.
when? i don't like feeling bad. and i feel like i've lost touch with all my real good friends. i miss teri, i miss jerwyn, i miss tiffany, i miss aaron, i miss nairi. nowadays, i feel like i'm walking on eggshells with all of them and i hate it because all i want is to vent and have them tell me it's going to be okay because it's most reassuring when i hear it from them. when we were close, i felt stable and all that. things happen, people change but i hate change and i don' t know what to do with it. "it is in changing that we find purpose." i can't see it, i'm sorry i'm trying to be as open minded as i can be and i just don't see how that works.


again,
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things i cannot change
the courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to know the difference.